I needed him. I knew it from the first moment our eyes locked. There’s was so much character that I craved. This is a person that you could talk to. He listened. He actually did listen. I could be myself around him without being afraid or classified or labeled. Above all, I could tell him all about my deepest pains and darkest moments. The hurt, the vindictive abuse, malice, the turbulence in my heart and mind, the anguish, the bitterness and top of it all the despair. I wanted him to explain to me why it happened? Why have I tolerated? Wasn’t I worthy of Love? Of a Family? Of having a warm home ? of happiness ? or maybe stability?
Will he understand? That didn’t seem to be of huge importance to me. Most importantly, it was something definitive for me that he listens. And that what counts. If he were able to make some sense of all the nonsense that I have gone through, I would have been thankful. But all what I wanted from him was to listen, to probe into my story as I speak my heart and mind out. I wanted to trust him with my very own personal secrets. I needed to let go all of those worries, fears and anxieties off my chest, once and for all. I didn’t want to be miserable anymore, I wanted to start over.
We talked. But I listened more to him, his anecdotes, his overwhelming sense of humor and this air of nobleness that I have never seen before intrigued me. His family was everything; it mattered the most and his kids were his real treasure, the apple of his eye. His expression of love was simple, “I do pleasant things to the people I love to show them that they are loved ; Small, simple but frequent gestures of love”, I guess he was telling the truth. He knew that no matter how hard it may seem now, one day he will be rewarded. It wasn’t a sacrifice. It was faith.
I respected that greatly and admired it too. It was a genuine belief in justice. He was overall content with a wandering soul in quest of peace. His smile shined and his loud laugh blended with the nature around.
He challenged a lot of my ideas and opened to me thought channels that were locked up in some dungeon far, far away behind those hills. He brushed away that dust off the lamp. I could see the sky, the clouds, the birds, all in a different light. I almost forgot that they were there in the first place. I almost forgot what I loved and hated ; what I wanted and dreamt of. All were caressed back to life. They just woke up from that deep hibernation.
The more we talked, the more he captivated my thoughts. He became my directing coach. He was much more than what I wanted. All I wanted was someone who could take me back shore out of this hurricane that I’m living. Instead, He infatuated me.
I was thrown into an emotional rollercoaster. The whole world started to revolve around those talks, those breath-taking winter sunshine’s. I was falling for him. I knew it from that overpowering impatience to be there on time, the sleepless nights, the panic, the euphoria of seeing him, the exhausting thought process of trying to put on that “friend” coat just to fit into his life. But that was not the deal. I was a misfit. I knew it, right that moment that it must stop. I shunned the idea by trying to be a neutral friend, talking very broadly about my misfortunes. However, when your feelings take over, you either numb your conscious and enjoy the ride or fight those emotions and set yourself free. I chose the latter.
It wasn’t easy. I wanted to be selfish and change my mind. The whole thing haunted me, deprived me of sleep. I wanted to be around him. At least I will get to meet him every once in a while talk about many things that matter to me and to him as well. I will try to put that friendship mask, just to be around and love him from a distance. I wanted to intrude, pry into his world but I had no face to do that at all. My conscious burned me and judged me and the verdict was Guilty! How will I stab those who cared about him and needed him most, much more than I do. I can’t live an affair, not only because its morally wrong and unacceptable but because if I genuinely cared, I should vanish. I will not be the distraction to any of his dreams, to tear him apart. I will be as noble as he is to both his family and his dreams.
I may be a wreck now and he may not have known it but how will I sleep knowing that I may have caused a rift between him and his family. I will never be the person who radiates insecurities and raise question marks. Not even in the slightest gesture. It was a beautiful acquaintance and will always be memorable to me.
Yes, he believed that the real beauty lies within. Despite the cruel, harsh reality, we have to empower that deep beautiful soul within to override it. I think I just did empower my inner beauty. I wanted peace too and I think I gave it to him too. It’s overwhelming but endurable.
I woke up on my alarm ringing so loud. Where am I? What was that? It felt like waking up from anesthesia. Everything was blurred. After few moments, with a huge sigh of relief, my body and soul conjured up that strength and wisdom I got from that warm winter enlightening dream.
Feb 2, 2010
Jul 29, 2009
No Designers' Clothes, please
She sat on her desk smoking her 3rd cigarette, and sipping the last drops of her espresso wondering how it will go. Will it actually work? He’s an Iraqi and I’m an Egyptian. I’m approaching my 40’s; he’s in his mid 30’s , I’m a workaholic ; he’s a wandering musician. Will it work? But he got me those tickets to his concert, so he must be insinuating. The thoughts were colliding, one against the other. She took no notice of all those around. There she sat in behind that glass see through wall…
Her mobile rings putting an end to that baffled face. She stretches her mobile to a distance trying to know who the caller is…She smiles with relief and answers quickly
“Hello…Are we still on for tonight? Yes great. Will be waiting”
“By the way, my mum said that she’d love to hear you play some of the old tunes”. The smile glides over her face again and she shines.
She hangs up, put the mobile phone next to her coffee and slouches back on her chair. So, what will I wear? The baby blue suit, no too formal; the pink floral top on jeans, no too Barbie-like, the white linen top on jeans; simple and comfortable. No, no, no but I want to look different, attractive and glamorous. She leans towards her desk again for a cigarette…
He picks her up on time and the first thing he says “is that you? Really you.” She smiled and smoothly glided into his car. She enjoyed every bit of the show. He is talented. But she felt lonely. He was not there.
She fought the urge to get out her cigarette pack and ate some of the breath mint she had, instead. He came back asking her about his performance. “It was superb”. She replied. He drove her back to her family’s apartment.
It’s too early and my mum is still awake, why don’t you come for a cup of tea? Will you come over please?”
I can’t, I need to arrange for my trip. Trip?
What trip are you travelling again? When? Why? Why didn’t you tell me?
I thought you were staying for sometime this time.
I wish I could, I want to stay but it’s out of my hands…I have to leave with the band
But your birthday is tomorrow and I want you to stay.
I have to leave for the press conference. She tied to convince him to stay but felt it was pointless. it seemed like he had made up his mind…
She went up those same old stairs, same old doors and same old creeks. She went into her home. “Mama” , she kneeled down to kiss her hands on her wheelchair. “Mama, I just don’t understand why? Why do they fly away? Why?”
“There’s always a time for everything and the time has not come yet.”
“When will it come mama when? They all seem to leave, why?” She gushed into tears laying her face on her mother’s lap and letting it all out. Her mum pats her shoulder and whispers you’re my angel, you’re my angel.
She wakes up feeling cold but better. Few hours to go, I have to run. She thinks. I’ll go buy him a birthday gift, it may have a magical effect and make him stay longer. What are my options, a wallet, perfume or clothes? I’ll decide as I drive to the mall.
“These are exactly what I want. Polo shirts; Smart, causal and classy” she smiles. She gets into the shop and buys two polo shirts, White and lime. She wraps them and gets a birthday card and writes: “To my happy moments. Please come back” and drops it into the branded bag
She went to his hotel; called him from the lobby. She sat there waiting, until the elevator door opened...
He walked out towards her and as he came she rose up and shook hands with him.
”Happy Birthday” she said with a blushed face. “I got you something and I hope you like it.”Surprised and apprehensive, trying to pry into the bag, he extended his hand and picked up the lime and said “quite different that I’m used to wearing. “And its Ralph Lauren No way, that’s way too expensive. why did you do that? He said angrily putting back the polo shirt into the bag and passing it over to her. “No Designer’s Clothes, please”
“Are you turning it down? Why? I thought you’d like them”, she said with broken phonemes. She stood up grabbing the bag away and rushing out of the hotel. Before she gets out she gives them to the doorman saying this is something for you and vanishes.
Surprised, with a big smile he gets them out of the bag and the card falls away …
Her mobile rings putting an end to that baffled face. She stretches her mobile to a distance trying to know who the caller is…She smiles with relief and answers quickly
“Hello…Are we still on for tonight? Yes great. Will be waiting”
“By the way, my mum said that she’d love to hear you play some of the old tunes”. The smile glides over her face again and she shines.
She hangs up, put the mobile phone next to her coffee and slouches back on her chair. So, what will I wear? The baby blue suit, no too formal; the pink floral top on jeans, no too Barbie-like, the white linen top on jeans; simple and comfortable. No, no, no but I want to look different, attractive and glamorous. She leans towards her desk again for a cigarette…
He picks her up on time and the first thing he says “is that you? Really you.” She smiled and smoothly glided into his car. She enjoyed every bit of the show. He is talented. But she felt lonely. He was not there.
She fought the urge to get out her cigarette pack and ate some of the breath mint she had, instead. He came back asking her about his performance. “It was superb”. She replied. He drove her back to her family’s apartment.
It’s too early and my mum is still awake, why don’t you come for a cup of tea? Will you come over please?”
I can’t, I need to arrange for my trip. Trip?
What trip are you travelling again? When? Why? Why didn’t you tell me?
I thought you were staying for sometime this time.
I wish I could, I want to stay but it’s out of my hands…I have to leave with the band
But your birthday is tomorrow and I want you to stay.
I have to leave for the press conference. She tied to convince him to stay but felt it was pointless. it seemed like he had made up his mind…
She went up those same old stairs, same old doors and same old creeks. She went into her home. “Mama” , she kneeled down to kiss her hands on her wheelchair. “Mama, I just don’t understand why? Why do they fly away? Why?”
“There’s always a time for everything and the time has not come yet.”
“When will it come mama when? They all seem to leave, why?” She gushed into tears laying her face on her mother’s lap and letting it all out. Her mum pats her shoulder and whispers you’re my angel, you’re my angel.
She wakes up feeling cold but better. Few hours to go, I have to run. She thinks. I’ll go buy him a birthday gift, it may have a magical effect and make him stay longer. What are my options, a wallet, perfume or clothes? I’ll decide as I drive to the mall.
“These are exactly what I want. Polo shirts; Smart, causal and classy” she smiles. She gets into the shop and buys two polo shirts, White and lime. She wraps them and gets a birthday card and writes: “To my happy moments. Please come back” and drops it into the branded bag
She went to his hotel; called him from the lobby. She sat there waiting, until the elevator door opened...
He walked out towards her and as he came she rose up and shook hands with him.
”Happy Birthday” she said with a blushed face. “I got you something and I hope you like it.”Surprised and apprehensive, trying to pry into the bag, he extended his hand and picked up the lime and said “quite different that I’m used to wearing. “And its Ralph Lauren No way, that’s way too expensive. why did you do that? He said angrily putting back the polo shirt into the bag and passing it over to her. “No Designer’s Clothes, please”
“Are you turning it down? Why? I thought you’d like them”, she said with broken phonemes. She stood up grabbing the bag away and rushing out of the hotel. Before she gets out she gives them to the doorman saying this is something for you and vanishes.
Surprised, with a big smile he gets them out of the bag and the card falls away …
The Ally - Part Two
The Ally - Part Two
“Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow.” The bus dropped me at the grocery store in the compound to buy some stuff on my way home. I got the weekly essentials as a Cake Loaf, flavored tea, American Coffee, a pack of Lindt After Eight chocolate, a pack of colors and coloring book.
It was separable for me. I distrusted this man. Yet, I have to welcome him and be his host for the evening. I wasn’t looking forward to this encounter though. I felt like a 12 year old kid who wanted to ditch the science class, altogether. How will I react? Will it show?
Despite the fact that I became very curious to see his wife, I was equally apprehensive of meeting her. It was like a panel interview ; or rather an endurance test.
“Father, I’m home? Where are you? We have visitors today at 8, come check what I’ve bought. Is it enough?” Mira Said. Emptying the bags on the kitchen table, quickly getting out the spaghetti and meat to cook dinner, she got no response.
“Father, I’m back? What are you watching? Is this game really important? “She murmured in his ears.
“Yes Mira, It is. I’ll be with you in a second.” Her father replied in a distracted monotone. “. She went in kissed his forehead and mumbled “in a second, right! ” Ok, I’ll fix dinner, maybe ,then, we can talk.
“ Nizar, my colleague, and his family are coming over tonight”, Mira said serving her dad dinner.
“Good, that’s very thoughtful of him. None have come over for a visit except our Italian neighbors. “Her father said gratefully and eagerly . “I’d like to know more people here, especially that I have a lot of spare time. “
Thoughtful, I repeated with a cynical smile. Mira, my dad stopped me abruptly. Is there any problem at work today? You seem tensed. Usually, you are very excited to have visitors over, especially from your work. What’s wrong?
“Nothing dad, I’m just very exhausted.” I wanted to break it out, let go of it. But I couldn’t.
Dad welcomed them into the home and Nizar introduced me to his wife. They sat next to each other. Nizar started chitchat with my Dad about his profession and I sat aside next to his wife. Their son sat in between.
She was the opposite. Aida was very tall and slim; she was “petite” and curvy. Aida was loud, extravagant and wild; she was simple, chic and elegant. Aida talked nonsense; she was sophisticated and meticulous. Aida was passionate and persistent; she looked cold and helpless. There was some ambiguity about her. Aida was humorous and talkative; she was concise and brief. Aida was confident; she was arrogant and restless.
I had to make the opening statement. I was the host.
“so, how do you like it here? With a big smile. She turned my smile down and with a cold fiscal gesture, she said” it very different from where I come from. I’m not used to this life over here. My life is full for activities; here it’s mundane and monotonous. But you’ll get use to it. I haven’t.
“ But all married people here swear by their family life because most of the people in the compound are married couples with kids, so they get to do lots of activities together. “ I interrupted.
She smiled and said “maybe; but this is not the case with me. Nizar is a very busy man.” Nizar looked back at me and said” you know how work is demanding Mira, it just never stops” .
I nodded repeatedly agreeing with what he said. ” right”. I supported him. I couldn’t say otherwise, I couldn’t tell her that those business outings, phone calls, messages were from his mistress. I couldn’t but defend him. I sided with him. I betrayed her too. I made no hint or comment about the relaxed nature of Nizar’s work. I’m just another one of her back-stabbers.
She let go of the entire conversation, and didn’t ask a single question. She was aloof. Nizar took over the entire discussions over the weather, the place, the politics and food. It was too formal. The way we all talked, the jokes, the comments and the gestures we made. It was heavy.
There was no chemistry between Nizar and his wife. They barely talked; and their eyes never locked. They were very different and indifferent. There was so much tension and discomfort that I wanted to get into the kitchen, serve the tea and get over with this night.
I wanted to help her. I wanted to intrude and tell her that what she doubts or feels is so true. I wanted to tell her, it’s not about the place; it’s about your husband. I wanted to tell her that he doesn’t deserve you withering next to him. I felt sorry for her. But still couldn’t really tell is this despair part of her? Or are these the remains of a betrayed wife?
I started coloring the Spiderman coloring book with their son ; I was lost. “Mira, do you want anything from Syria? I’m leaving this week” posing a long held question that Nizar’s wife has been holding since the beginning of the evening. But it was late. I retreated. Nizar interrupted abruptly and quickly picking his son by his hand, “It’s your bedtime Mr.”, he stood up. He stands up and asks him to say good night to everyone. We walk them to the main gate and turn off the lights on our way back home.
I rush into my room and cry; cry because I knew I was wrong. I knew I had to do something. I knew I betrayed her too. I could see her anguish when she was trying to look away when he was holding his phone. She was sinking in a deep well. All stood there watching her. Nizar pushed her into it and I cheered. I was part of the parade. Now, she’s travelling back to her homeland. They needed me to deny it all; confirm that her suspicions were just mere doubts. I deluded her too and applauded them. I knew right then I was The Alley.
“Thanks for the ride. See you tomorrow.” The bus dropped me at the grocery store in the compound to buy some stuff on my way home. I got the weekly essentials as a Cake Loaf, flavored tea, American Coffee, a pack of Lindt After Eight chocolate, a pack of colors and coloring book.
It was separable for me. I distrusted this man. Yet, I have to welcome him and be his host for the evening. I wasn’t looking forward to this encounter though. I felt like a 12 year old kid who wanted to ditch the science class, altogether. How will I react? Will it show?
Despite the fact that I became very curious to see his wife, I was equally apprehensive of meeting her. It was like a panel interview ; or rather an endurance test.
“Father, I’m home? Where are you? We have visitors today at 8, come check what I’ve bought. Is it enough?” Mira Said. Emptying the bags on the kitchen table, quickly getting out the spaghetti and meat to cook dinner, she got no response.
“Father, I’m back? What are you watching? Is this game really important? “She murmured in his ears.
“Yes Mira, It is. I’ll be with you in a second.” Her father replied in a distracted monotone. “. She went in kissed his forehead and mumbled “in a second, right! ” Ok, I’ll fix dinner, maybe ,then, we can talk.
“ Nizar, my colleague, and his family are coming over tonight”, Mira said serving her dad dinner.
“Good, that’s very thoughtful of him. None have come over for a visit except our Italian neighbors. “Her father said gratefully and eagerly . “I’d like to know more people here, especially that I have a lot of spare time. “
Thoughtful, I repeated with a cynical smile. Mira, my dad stopped me abruptly. Is there any problem at work today? You seem tensed. Usually, you are very excited to have visitors over, especially from your work. What’s wrong?
“Nothing dad, I’m just very exhausted.” I wanted to break it out, let go of it. But I couldn’t.
Dad welcomed them into the home and Nizar introduced me to his wife. They sat next to each other. Nizar started chitchat with my Dad about his profession and I sat aside next to his wife. Their son sat in between.
She was the opposite. Aida was very tall and slim; she was “petite” and curvy. Aida was loud, extravagant and wild; she was simple, chic and elegant. Aida talked nonsense; she was sophisticated and meticulous. Aida was passionate and persistent; she looked cold and helpless. There was some ambiguity about her. Aida was humorous and talkative; she was concise and brief. Aida was confident; she was arrogant and restless.
I had to make the opening statement. I was the host.
“so, how do you like it here? With a big smile. She turned my smile down and with a cold fiscal gesture, she said” it very different from where I come from. I’m not used to this life over here. My life is full for activities; here it’s mundane and monotonous. But you’ll get use to it. I haven’t.
“ But all married people here swear by their family life because most of the people in the compound are married couples with kids, so they get to do lots of activities together. “ I interrupted.
She smiled and said “maybe; but this is not the case with me. Nizar is a very busy man.” Nizar looked back at me and said” you know how work is demanding Mira, it just never stops” .
I nodded repeatedly agreeing with what he said. ” right”. I supported him. I couldn’t say otherwise, I couldn’t tell her that those business outings, phone calls, messages were from his mistress. I couldn’t but defend him. I sided with him. I betrayed her too. I made no hint or comment about the relaxed nature of Nizar’s work. I’m just another one of her back-stabbers.
She let go of the entire conversation, and didn’t ask a single question. She was aloof. Nizar took over the entire discussions over the weather, the place, the politics and food. It was too formal. The way we all talked, the jokes, the comments and the gestures we made. It was heavy.
There was no chemistry between Nizar and his wife. They barely talked; and their eyes never locked. They were very different and indifferent. There was so much tension and discomfort that I wanted to get into the kitchen, serve the tea and get over with this night.
I wanted to help her. I wanted to intrude and tell her that what she doubts or feels is so true. I wanted to tell her, it’s not about the place; it’s about your husband. I wanted to tell her that he doesn’t deserve you withering next to him. I felt sorry for her. But still couldn’t really tell is this despair part of her? Or are these the remains of a betrayed wife?
I started coloring the Spiderman coloring book with their son ; I was lost. “Mira, do you want anything from Syria? I’m leaving this week” posing a long held question that Nizar’s wife has been holding since the beginning of the evening. But it was late. I retreated. Nizar interrupted abruptly and quickly picking his son by his hand, “It’s your bedtime Mr.”, he stood up. He stands up and asks him to say good night to everyone. We walk them to the main gate and turn off the lights on our way back home.
I rush into my room and cry; cry because I knew I was wrong. I knew I had to do something. I knew I betrayed her too. I could see her anguish when she was trying to look away when he was holding his phone. She was sinking in a deep well. All stood there watching her. Nizar pushed her into it and I cheered. I was part of the parade. Now, she’s travelling back to her homeland. They needed me to deny it all; confirm that her suspicions were just mere doubts. I deluded her too and applauded them. I knew right then I was The Alley.
The Ally
The Ally - Part One
“This is what he got me for my birthday; it’s exactly what I wanted”. She extended her hand bragging about the ring tones, the Fuchsia color, how it matched her style. She insinuated that she gets what she wants, even if it’s just a birthday gift. She amused me. She munched the second donuts from the plate, leaving the mobile set on her desk. She moved and sat across my desk.
“Don’t you ever wonder who the guy I’m going out with?" Aida said.
“No idea”, I said this I-wouldn’t-care-less tone was too loud for her ego to just dismiss herself out of this chitchat. There’s a point that she was trying to make.
“I’m sure you have no idea about the guy who got me the gift, he’s your neighbor. And he’s working with us here in the finance.” That was a real riddle for me because my neighbors are Italians and the couple are above 80. And I don’t think I have any neighbors working at the same company.
“Ok, ok, I have no clue who you’re talking about”, I became intrigued. “Besides, all the men working in the finance are married.”
“He’s Nizar.” Aida said confidently
“Nizar who? the finance deputy head. No way, but he’s married and he has a boy, I guess.”
“Yes, it’s him.” A dart hit the center of the target. No the center of my heart. I was shocked, shocked because there was nothing special about him in the first place. Not only he was married, taken; he was also a bit tall, chubby, with a big tummy. He was in his mid 30’s; he was a typical classical turn off. The remarkable thing about him was his glasses, they hid most of his features. He was too plain, too plain to attract anyone. I was baffled. My thoughts collided and tumbled down against each other. I was wondering how, when, why, why…how did it all start, when do they really meet and why did this all happen in the first place…what about this wife? What about his boy?
As I was wondering and staring at her eyes, she laughed gloriously, triumphantly defying the entire world and mimicking my confusion. She felt special; she was promoted to a wife, a mother.
“Yes he has a baby boy she said, he just 4 but he’s always sick. His mum doesn’t really know how to take care of him, he’s very weak. He says that she’s very selfish and only cares for herself. I feel sorry for the kid. I have raised my young brothers and a sister and I still do. So it won’t be an issue to raise his little one. He’s impressed by the way I treat my sister n brothers.”
All I could say was “Aren’t you afraid? Is this really the person that you want to be with, out of everyone? “
She moved back to get another doughnut and said “Listen mira, I love this man. He’s the love of my life. He loves me even more. We need each other because we’re each other’s comfort. He tells me that he hates talking to his wife and there’s nothing to talk about. All what they do is argue and fight about everything but I’m his loved one. She is a nagging, complaining and ungrateful wife. she doesn’t deserve such a nice person.
“If she’s that horrific, how come he hasn’t divorced her yet? “
“That’s a long story, bottom-line, he can’t divorce her away from her homeland and he hasn’t saved up for the alimony and child support. Until then, they have to remain married and we have to keep our love a secret.” Winking at me.
My heart started pounding, I was turning yellow. I was claustrophobic but this almost chocked me exactly like being in an elevator. “Aida, I have to go to take those files to David. He was expecting me since the morning. “ I rushed out
I left and took my first deep breath in the corridor. I walked to the cafeteria; made myself a cup of tea. That’s why she invited me to her home, to introduce her ally to her parents. I was new to the town, coming for the intern, living with my father in the same compound Nezar lived in. I was her way into the compound. She would always pass by in a hurry telling me that she was meeting her friends for a walk.
So fooled and used, this is how I felt. But why tell me her obnoxious secret? Why disclose this hideous secret? It was so revolting for me. And I couldn’t understand what kind of conscious would accept deceiving the closest around them. It shook my trust in everything, everyone. What I took for granted seemed so farfetched. This safe world that I keep envisioning doesn’t exist. it’s a fantasy.
They were both very cruel. So, when she was giggling over the phone, it was with him. When she was texting over and over, it was him. When she was on msn first thing in the morning, it was him. When she was rushing out, dressed to kill, for her weekly finance meeting, it was to impress him. When she asked my opinion about the sliver lighter, the black tie, the Mont balance pen; they were all for him. Everything around me seemed filthy and dirty. I was an accomplice.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt lost. It was a maze, I couldn’t get out of. I stumbled. I disproved being manipulated and used. But I pitied myself more than the deceived wife. I was deceived too but it was different.
I had a crazy urge to leave; go meet Nizar’s wife, tell her all, everything. But this idea was shun by fear, fear of rejection, fear or confrontation, fear of trouble. Maybe I could send her hints; even that soothing idea may affect my intern here in this company. I don’t want to be labeled as trouble maker when I’m the sweetheart of the company. It was too big for me to handle.
“Hi Mira,” a voice came over, my heart throbbed in my rib.
“Hi Nizar, you sacred me. I was daydreaming “
“sorry to interrupt that” he said cautiously, “but I wanted to tell you that we would like to come over after dinner to meet up with your Dad.”
I stuttered “who, when…”he interrupted confidently” I’d like to come over to your home with my wife and kid to welcome you to our compound. It’s a tradition in the compound. “
“Yes sure, welcome, anytime.”
“Great, then see you later.”
With a sigh, Aida must have told him that she told me all about them. Maybe he’s testing my reaction. I crouch in my chair and wanted to vanish.
TO BE CONTINUED
“Don’t you ever wonder who the guy I’m going out with?" Aida said.
“No idea”, I said this I-wouldn’t-care-less tone was too loud for her ego to just dismiss herself out of this chitchat. There’s a point that she was trying to make.
“I’m sure you have no idea about the guy who got me the gift, he’s your neighbor. And he’s working with us here in the finance.” That was a real riddle for me because my neighbors are Italians and the couple are above 80. And I don’t think I have any neighbors working at the same company.
“Ok, ok, I have no clue who you’re talking about”, I became intrigued. “Besides, all the men working in the finance are married.”
“He’s Nizar.” Aida said confidently
“Nizar who? the finance deputy head. No way, but he’s married and he has a boy, I guess.”
“Yes, it’s him.” A dart hit the center of the target. No the center of my heart. I was shocked, shocked because there was nothing special about him in the first place. Not only he was married, taken; he was also a bit tall, chubby, with a big tummy. He was in his mid 30’s; he was a typical classical turn off. The remarkable thing about him was his glasses, they hid most of his features. He was too plain, too plain to attract anyone. I was baffled. My thoughts collided and tumbled down against each other. I was wondering how, when, why, why…how did it all start, when do they really meet and why did this all happen in the first place…what about this wife? What about his boy?
As I was wondering and staring at her eyes, she laughed gloriously, triumphantly defying the entire world and mimicking my confusion. She felt special; she was promoted to a wife, a mother.
“Yes he has a baby boy she said, he just 4 but he’s always sick. His mum doesn’t really know how to take care of him, he’s very weak. He says that she’s very selfish and only cares for herself. I feel sorry for the kid. I have raised my young brothers and a sister and I still do. So it won’t be an issue to raise his little one. He’s impressed by the way I treat my sister n brothers.”
All I could say was “Aren’t you afraid? Is this really the person that you want to be with, out of everyone? “
She moved back to get another doughnut and said “Listen mira, I love this man. He’s the love of my life. He loves me even more. We need each other because we’re each other’s comfort. He tells me that he hates talking to his wife and there’s nothing to talk about. All what they do is argue and fight about everything but I’m his loved one. She is a nagging, complaining and ungrateful wife. she doesn’t deserve such a nice person.
“If she’s that horrific, how come he hasn’t divorced her yet? “
“That’s a long story, bottom-line, he can’t divorce her away from her homeland and he hasn’t saved up for the alimony and child support. Until then, they have to remain married and we have to keep our love a secret.” Winking at me.
My heart started pounding, I was turning yellow. I was claustrophobic but this almost chocked me exactly like being in an elevator. “Aida, I have to go to take those files to David. He was expecting me since the morning. “ I rushed out
I left and took my first deep breath in the corridor. I walked to the cafeteria; made myself a cup of tea. That’s why she invited me to her home, to introduce her ally to her parents. I was new to the town, coming for the intern, living with my father in the same compound Nezar lived in. I was her way into the compound. She would always pass by in a hurry telling me that she was meeting her friends for a walk.
So fooled and used, this is how I felt. But why tell me her obnoxious secret? Why disclose this hideous secret? It was so revolting for me. And I couldn’t understand what kind of conscious would accept deceiving the closest around them. It shook my trust in everything, everyone. What I took for granted seemed so farfetched. This safe world that I keep envisioning doesn’t exist. it’s a fantasy.
They were both very cruel. So, when she was giggling over the phone, it was with him. When she was texting over and over, it was him. When she was on msn first thing in the morning, it was him. When she was rushing out, dressed to kill, for her weekly finance meeting, it was to impress him. When she asked my opinion about the sliver lighter, the black tie, the Mont balance pen; they were all for him. Everything around me seemed filthy and dirty. I was an accomplice.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt lost. It was a maze, I couldn’t get out of. I stumbled. I disproved being manipulated and used. But I pitied myself more than the deceived wife. I was deceived too but it was different.
I had a crazy urge to leave; go meet Nizar’s wife, tell her all, everything. But this idea was shun by fear, fear of rejection, fear or confrontation, fear of trouble. Maybe I could send her hints; even that soothing idea may affect my intern here in this company. I don’t want to be labeled as trouble maker when I’m the sweetheart of the company. It was too big for me to handle.
“Hi Mira,” a voice came over, my heart throbbed in my rib.
“Hi Nizar, you sacred me. I was daydreaming “
“sorry to interrupt that” he said cautiously, “but I wanted to tell you that we would like to come over after dinner to meet up with your Dad.”
I stuttered “who, when…”he interrupted confidently” I’d like to come over to your home with my wife and kid to welcome you to our compound. It’s a tradition in the compound. “
“Yes sure, welcome, anytime.”
“Great, then see you later.”
With a sigh, Aida must have told him that she told me all about them. Maybe he’s testing my reaction. I crouch in my chair and wanted to vanish.
TO BE CONTINUED
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
